I write you of my four white walls
by Le pingouin qui ecrit
Summary: Kurt was gone, blaine is alone he decides to write a letter to kurt for speak about all he feel and here is the letter


_My second translation who takes lot of my time but I try to do my best for you. Hope you like it :D It's a little bit sad but you will like i'm sure :D_

_Don't forget a review please_

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_I write you of my four white walls_

_« To my love in February 14th, 2012_

_Hello my love, I hope that there where you are, in this long journey does not annoy you too much, without me. That the place is rather pleasant for you. Because lately it was your dream to go there. I do not forget you as you see, I took time to find the words, the sentences to make this letter. You will never read it probably. It is late and I write under the candlelight, I know that you like this kind of poetic scene. I hung on the photos of us over the desk that gives a little of life (what a play on words!) in this white room. I give any more life to nothing. Nothing changes since your departure there is a few weeks in by the atmosphere, heavier, more pathetic. People look me with the pity, it is dirty feeling. It is hypocritical. They know all that you left me to see another world, other places. I walk past your locker I cry, I see your empty place in the room of singing I cry, the auditorium makes me cry, your house, your car, and the videos of the regional are unbearable for me._

_I exploded the television of the fist when I saw them. Some stitch we were necessary but OK. But I don't go any more to the high school for a week. Warblers came to see me today; I had the right for the visit I consider, but similar, always similar their glances full of pity. They all blubbered as weaklings, as me. They feel sorry because if you saw me my Kurt you would leave me, I had to lose 10 kilos; I have the red eyes, the pulled features. I do not sleep anymore because every time I close eyes I imagine again and again this train that go. I see it, I see you and I wake in the roaring. I vomit some despair, I cry for the distress. There is a shrink who is come to see me. Useless. He does not understand He is homophobic. I looked at him in eyes and I is asked him where I had to run to join the road which would lead me to you Kurt, he laughed, he laughed Kurt. Why did he laugh Kurt? While I expected from him just an answer! An answer Kurt._

_**He took me for a madman. Completely crazy. Absolutely crazy. Of you, sure.**_

_I would stay sucks high for you even if the troubles and the sadness weigh down it hour by hour._

_My face remains wet, a lot of tears. My heart beats in slowness... I am crossed at your home yesterday, Burt does not get better you know Kurt. He always sits in the armchair of the lounge and repeats indefatigably the same words, the same sentences. Finn and Carole? They are well or at least they pretend. They are thus of very good actor. I said, I am crossed at home, to get back one of these wide pullover you were when the envy to get dressed indeed was not in you. I don't leave it; your soft perfume is to soak. I don't know what to do anymore to be well, nothing makes me smile. Why did you leave left like that? Why not to have said anything? Why? I have this word in my head Kurt it drives me crazy! Which medicine will be going to look me of this madness after, my love? They spins me many medicines. But I was made by paper and your departure fired my paper body to burn everything. To make me like ash.__I return to the state of dust. I always believed that it would be the age which would separate us, in 90 years we would die but not it is not the age which separated us._

_**Kurt makes I a sign, says I that you are well.**_

_Tomorrow…finally today then what it is 5 am, it is the Valentine's Day. I had already bought your present I would have to give it to you before your departure. But I did not know Kurt. It is a discreet pendant, with our two interlaced initials. I put it in the letter I hope that it will please you. The Valentine's Day without my Valentine. Thumbtack I start again crying. When will you return Kurt? That we celebrate the Valentine's Day. I asked for it that to the shrink! He laughed... Again and again and he said to me "Never". Kurt it is true? You will never come back?_

_I do not know any more if I am the good or the evil. I do not really know anymore who I am because you were me. _

_I do not know if I can go out now. I do not think. My room door is closed in double tour. You know we had once looked at a report on the psychiatric hospitals and indeed there really it is less bad than what they show. My father said that it is the story only of a few weeks. When you will read my letters (if you read this one) think of me. Think of me. Think of me. Think of me as I think of you. All the time. I love you my love, my lover, my soul sister, my baby, my heart, my life, my universe, my sun, my star. I love you in the past, in the present, in the future. But you ended our future letting only the past.__ »_

While bringing out of the psychiatric hospital on February 22nd, 2012 Blaine went to post that letter. In closer of Kurt. Between both paving stones of the gravestone. The face of his love was engraved on the marble stone there was a plate «To my love for ever " and the other one " To my son who I love so much ", the third in left of the grave " Total eclipse of the heart - Your Glee Club which will never forget you ". His Kurt had left him 2 months ago. He had jumped under a train, nobody knows why. Blaine still has nightmares there but less. Blaine did not get better, he did not go worse. He took fewer medicines. He will go to return to the high school. He will go to sing again. But impossible... Blaine had plunged into a profound silence since February 14th, 2012 day when he would have had to celebrate Valentine's Day with Kurt. The pendant was not in the letter. Blaine had removed it; he held it in his hand. The letter slid between both plates of marble frozen by the cold of February. There was his father, Burt and Finn with him. When the letter disappeared, the curly fell on the ground and after a big inspiration, he roared all his strengths, to break vocal cords. During 10 minutes. The hoarse voice he ended his atrocious shout to break the heart by a poignant sentence there: «I would not sing anymore, your voice went out mine also. »


End file.
